Gossip Girl “The Magnificent Archibalds”
Gossip Girl, CW TV series, Mondays
It’s a Gossip Girl Thanksgiving parade of dysfunction (which is the best kind). Serena is now committed to romancing Aaron, the arty playboy. As for sharing? She pretends to be blasé about it, saying things like: “You can’t get the prize if you don’t compete.” Gross. Blair is rightly aghast at her friend’s willingness to share a boy with mere mortals.
Over a bowl of homemade Asian noodles, Aaron tells Serena he’s ready to be a “one woman man”. So I guess she won? Caveat: he’s an ex-alky and needs to be with someone who can help him stay reformed. She replies, “I’m the right girl for the job.” To which, we all let out a collective groan. First off, why is she trying so hard to get this guy’s approval? Second, doesn’t she occasionally go on drinking/snorting/pill-popping binges?
Jenny, taking over Nate’s position as the show’s designated young squatter, has been secretly staying with Eric while Lily and Bart were away. She’s still set on becoming emancipated. How can she be expected to take care of herself when she couldn’t even tackle a waifish chick to snatch her dresses out of the trash? Upon Eric’s arrival home, he finds his mom and stepfather back early. Bart gives Eric a mysterious warning about the fidelity of his boyfriend. After a little convo with Chuck, E is given the code to Bart’s vault (the birthday of Chuck’s mom…hmm). Inside are just your average, run-of-the-mill tycoon type contents: rare artwork, gold bars, and files full of dirt on all his loved ones.
Dan runs into the freshly monogamous Aaron and does what the Humphreys do best: creates awkwardness! He blabs about Serena not being the beacon of virtue she claims to be. Aaron is puzzled, takes his silly fruit basket and sets out to get some answers from his girl. At the Van der Woodsen/Bass flat, Serena is ready to receive guests in her skanktastic-est outfit ever. When did tiny mustard skirts and fishnet stockings become suitable holiday attire? So…Serena calls Dan a jealous liar (which is only half true) and continues her Cecil charade.
When Eric shows his mom the files Bart has on them, Lily takes her kids and storms out. Did she really think Mr. Bass would limit his creepy detective work to her? Eric and Lily have a french fry diner Thanksgiving while Serena takes her file to Aaron for review. Being the sensitive girl guy he is, he declines to read it so he can get to know her properly.
Thanksgiving, for whatever reason, is Blair’s favorite holiday. She’s not exactly thrilled at the prospect of sharing it with the lil’ fella who stole her mom’s heart. Her territory is seriously being encroached upon. Dorota tells B about Cyrus’ proposal, Blair then wanders around Manhattan to clear her head. She runs into the tear-stained-raccoon-eyed Jenny, whose dad just told her he loves her. Blair, who strangely seems to be the voice of reason on the show, tells her she’s lucky and Eleanor comes to take them to their respective homes. Waiting for Blair is her daddy, in from gay Paris, with a basket of pie (the perfect gift!).
Nate’s dad shows up and invites him and his mom to run away to Dominica with him. Vanessa finds out that Daddy Archibald’s proposition is part of a master plan to extort money out of Nate’s mom’s family. V gets Chuck to give the news to Nate. Nate tells his dad to turn himself in…and he does (which I found hard to believe considering what a selfish prick he is). Approximately 5 seconds after his dad is carted away, Nate asks Vanessa out. You gotta hand it to him. Even the arrest of his multi-felon papa couldn’t keep Nate from trying to get some.
Nate and Chuck are buddies again, spending Thanksgiving drinking scotch in the back of a limo. Bart Bass decides to find out why Lily was in a sanitarium. That should be good.
Vanessa has been avoiding Jenny ever since she saw her kissing Nate. Apparently V had dibs on him in her nutty alternate universe even though she stopped seeing him because he became a high class ho for the Duchess. Dan, Rufus, and Vanessa find Jenny (no eyeliner, signifying her return to normalcy); there is a group hug. Jenny assures V that Nate is not in the picture anymore. Evil hag Vanessa finds and hides a letter from Nate to Jenny, declaring his feelings for the spritely blonde. The only positive thing I can see coming out of this plotline is the possible demise of Our Lady of Perpetual Buzzkill. I mean, Vanessa’s always been annoying but now has clearly crossed a moral line. Bye, V. Good riddance.
Now for the weekly rundown of the uncredited character I like the most: Chuck’s wardrobe.
Pocket squares: 1
Tweed items: 3, including a coat made of patches
Hef-like apparel: 1, paisley robe
Ubiquitous red/white/blue scarf sighting: Again, no. Do I have to stage a boycott to bring it back?
Hopefully next week he’ll bring on the ascots.
“My plans for the evening got held up at customs.” –Chuck
