ANTM “The Final Five”
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 11, CW TV series, Wednesdays
The remaining models were given the task to get to as many go-sees as possible on a wee little boat. Seeing the girls through the designers’ eyes generally clarifies who has a realistic shot at winning. This is also normally the point in the season where my favorite gauche girl is sent packing for having a meltdown.
Samantha, who grates on my nerves when she opens her mouth or dresses herself, had a mixed performance. The Amsterdam designers didn’t like her because she is “too commercial” which translates to: “She eats? Away with her!” But after seeing her bring on the Maxim model vibe in the lingerie, it’s clear she’ll do fine in the states. Like Nigel, I was mad impressed with her sexually ambiguous casual shot.
Mckey’s dopey ears would’ve landed her all 4 modeling gigs but the pretty, pretty buildings and daylight made her lose all concept of time. When she was modeling the wedding dress I realized she’ll probably win this whole competition. And she may just be the first winner of ANTM to actually work even after the won contract expires. Strangely, she’s started speaking with a sporadic English accent. Unlike Tyra’s, Mckey’s seems involuntarily. Has she had a stroke? I’m gonna go ahead and diagnose her with Foreign Accent Syndrome. It’s a real affliction, y’all!
Marjorie. My favorite little ball of neuroses. She couldn’t stop being frazzled and lost and oh-so-sad. The designers faulted her for being insecure and her hunchback went unappreciated. The judges didn’t like her any better even though her glamour picture was all sexy la femme Nikita.
The designers seemed altogether horrified by Elina. One designer touched the model’s sweaty back and subsequently looked as if someone had given his peen a twist. He wisely advised her to never run again. Another designer saw the tattoos and shook her head disapprovingly. Rather judgmental for a society where you can pop into a coffee shop for hash cake and then around the corner for some window nookie.
In a bizarre turn, Analeigh booked 3/3 go-sees. Because they liked her baby voice, exaggerated sweetness, and windy hair, she got EIGHTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of clothes. Why, that’s a whole closet full of poufy meringue-like gowns that transform into coats!
It was European v. European in the final stretch and ANTM broke their usual pattern by keeping around the girl who couldn’t book a thing. Marjorie! You’ll see Elina again whenever Angelina J. needs a decoy to escape the paps with her brood of youngins.
”Yay! Sunshine!” -Mckey
