Gossip Girl, It’s a Wonderful Lie, CW TV series, Episode Recap & Review Blog
The Snowflake Ball. An event to maintain Blair Waldorf’s proclivity for Scarlett O’Hara-like self-promotion. She’s determined to bring the right fellow and has developed a detailed roster of possible contenders. Chuck, notably absent from the list, puts in his two cents regarding the lot. He later shows up at her home, plays a little piano, and tells her they should choose dates for each other to show who is paying attention to the other’s desires. Whoever makes the best choice gets a prize: She gets his limo; He gets Dorota. Blair and Dorota (who would like to avoid serving the Chuckster in any sort of manner) scour all possible resources to find the perfect Blair-lite.
Serena and Dan stop by Aaron’s new art exhibit where Lexi is staring at the omnipresent images of her ex-beau’s new statuesque blonde. She verbally eviscerates Miss van der Woodsen, just in time to be overheard. Serena vents to Aaron, whose habitually even temperament seems out of place in this universe, and he agrees to take her to the Snowflake Ball if she plays nice with LexiMonster. He previously took a stand against attending an event that so totally goes against his artiness. Sidenote: Serena references Boxing Day (a British/Canadian/Australian day-after-Christmas holiday involving giving to those less fortunate). I had 2 issues with this. 1). Would Serena really know what Boxing Day is? 2). She says New Year’s Eve before Boxing Day, which is chronologically inaccurate. Oh, so maybe she doesn’t actually know what it is. Maybe she heard some hot English bloke talking about it and wanted to sound worldly. Or maybe the writers effed up.
Continuing…Lexi and Dan bond over her delightful request for Kopi Luwak, which is a coffee berry that’s passed through an Asian Palm Civet’s digestive tract before use. Uh, gross. No amount of deliciousness could possibly lure me to drink poo coffee. Dan makes one of his famous “massive corporate infrastructure” jokes, making her misguidedly declare him funny. The foursome take a walking tour of Brooklyn where Dan yaps about Norman Mailer and asks LexiLoon to the ball. Aaron mentions, as an aside to Serena, that his ex likes to sleep with guys on the first date as a “political statement against male dominated sexual hypocrisy.” I love sluts with wordy excuses. Can’t she just say she likes to have sex cuz it’s fun?
Little J is so upset over Nate’s absence she’s organizing her dad’s record collection by genre. She tells Vanessa that she doesn’t “want to be awkward” (What, a Humphrey being awkward? Unthinkable!) but she can’t figure out what happened with Pretty Pretty Archibald. Vanessa, all fidgety, tells Jenny she should just get over him. Penelope, one of the Upper East Side meanies, comes in and requests a Jenny original for the ball. While being fitted, they get a text from Gossip Girl with a picture of Vanessa and Nate, smooching it up.
Jenny confronts Vanessa about all the lying and sneaking around with Nate. “Are you really that desperate, V?” Well, yeah, kinda. Hmm, hard to choose a side. I inherently despise Vanessa because she pretends to be evolved and moral while chasing after rich boys and stealing letters. She’s also seriously unfunny. However, the pairing of Jenny and Nate made me nearly ralf. As vengeance for stealing the boy she hearts, Little J agrees to give Vanessa a transparent dress for the Snowflake Ball, under the guise that she made it. Public humiliation, coming right up!
Lily has had it with Bart’s snooping. After hearing he met with the PI he had on retainer, she tells Rufus she’s leaving The Great and Powerful Bass. They get teary-eyed, dance, and have an intimate convo before Chuck reins Lily in. He lets her know that he hopes she works it out with daddykins so they can be a happy family. Aw, Chuck needs a mommy.
Lily gets a phone call. Bart’s been in an accident and it seems likely that they’re killing him off since people are sporting funeral-wear next episode. Does this mean we won’t get to hear why Lily was in the sanitarium? Any ideas?
Blair and Chuck reveal their choices for each other. Faux Chuck is hilarious! The scarf, the hair, the facial expressions. But would Chuck really have chosen such a poser? Maybe he really didn’t want to win. Maybe he just wanted to make sure no real competition got near Blair. Blair-lite and Faux-Chuck end up making out. Real Blair and Chuck argue, then shut up and share a dance.
Waiting inside (maybe to get a good view, maybe to stop her before she’s spotted) Jenny greets Vanessa. V has brought the letter and tells Nate about lying and hiding it. She walks away and gets a spotlight pointed directly at her see-through gown. It reminded me of Carrie, when they pour pig blood all over her, except Vanessa didn’t get revenge by killing them with her mind powers. Instead, she pauses in the light so everyone can get a good gander and then looks at Jenny with melancholy eyes. Nate stands up for Vanessa, chases after her, and they kiss through her tears and runny nose. And there goes my lunch.
Clearly having issues letting go, Serena warns Dan about Lexi’s sexual prowess. To which, Dan sputters and stammers slightly more than usual and says, “Wow.” Offended that Humphrey would enjoy the prospect of nookie with another girl, Serena storms off into the sea of fluffy rich kids. She later apologizes, because it’s her hobby, and they admit they are caught in a “mythical tide.” This is pretentious speak for: “I still totally want to do you.”
Now it’s time for the weekly rundown of the uncredited character I enjoy most: Chuck’s wardrobe.
V-Neck cardigan: 1
Plaid item: 1
Trench coats: 1 (wool, no less)
Bowties: 1, striped
Sparkly Liberace-style jacket? Of course!
Ubiquitous red/white/blue scarf? Nope. I think it’s time to say goodbye forever. We’ll miss you, ugliest scarf ever.
Bring back the ascots!
“I feel inspired to shop at the Gap or validate my self image with overpriced cosmetics.” –Lexi (as if Serena would be caught dead at the Gap!)
Gossip Girl, It’s a Wonderful Lie, CW TV series, Episode Recap & Review Blog
