The Dope Box TV Blog

Doing God’s work sucks unless you have your faith to keep you entertained. It’s clear from the resentful way he cleans, fetches a jacket for the freezing bum, and gets his booze on that this priest is just not that into the Lord anymore. And what happens when a priest loses his faith? Why, Jesus shows up in full-on stigmata mode to get his attention, of course! Being the unfaithful man of God he is, he assumes it’s a hallucination rather than a visit from the son of the big guy.

During his stay at Princeton Plainsboro, the priest blathers about his doubts in God. It all stems from a past incident where a teenage boy claimed he’d been diddled. Priest got shipped off like a shamed and deflowered teen in the 50’s. Claiming innocence, he lost his faith because he couldn’t rationalize God’s purpose for this plight. Misgivings about God make House giddy. He forms a strange bond with the priest, eating and chatting together like old chums. Chums who share a distaste for all things holy and a knack for causing disgust in others.

When the team assumes the priest has AIDS, Taub decides to find the priest’s accuser. The kid doesn’t seem bothered by the news for his own sake but is concerned about how the priest is doing. He ends up coming to visit and kneeling down, apologizing profusely. Verdict: priest is definitely not a pedophile.

Following a barrage of incorrect diagnoses and a little toe necrosis, the patient is diagnosed with Wiskott-Aldrich Syndrome. The priest swore his faith was dead but when told he’s going to be alright, he falls back into old habits, wondering if all the coincidences that brought him to that point were really God’s handiwork. He cites Einstein: “Coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.”

So did reliably atheistic House scratch “hallucinations” off the list and say “we can’t know everything” because he thinks the priest may have really gotten a visit from a levitating and recently crucified Jesus? He claims the vision was caused by alcohol, but how many of us hallucinate the presence of deities after a couple shots of whiskey?

House took on the diagnosis of the priest (deeming it a “fake case”) because the team was broken and he blamed Foreteen. He gave them until the final diagnosis to either split as a couple or quit the job. The possibility of either of those options made me so delighted that, if I wasn’t wholly incapable of physical coordination, I would have done a cartwheel.

Foreman decides that he’ll quit but Cuddy won’t give him a recommendation. Who would? He unethically (and stupidly) switched out Thirteen’s meds. Worse than that, he tattled on himself when it wasn’t necessary. Thirteen decides she’ll quit since getting another job would be easy for her. Foreman takes this as an assault on his manhood or something, reacting with a pointed bisexual joke. They break up in front of House and bicker at every given moment. In the end, Thirteen comes home, does a little theatrical bow, and straddles Foreman. It was all a ruse so they could keep their jobs and stay together. Maybe this veiled secret will make their relationship a little less like a visit from the sedative fairy.

This week continued the saga of Huddy: Will They or Won’t They? Cuddy is throwing a Jewish baby-naming ceremony for Rachel and invites House to make sure he won’t come. After figuring out the invite was insincere, House is determined to accept just to spoil her subterfuge. Wilson, being the resident expert on emotional intent, tells House he secretly wants to go to be a part of the baby’s life. Sidebar: I also hate it when they put the mushrooms under the cheese.

Upon hearing about House curing the priest, Cuddy makes it clear to Wilson that she has changed her mind about keeping House away. Who can blame her? Guys who save lives, despite any other personality flaws, are hot. As Huddy wait to leave the hospital, they have a moment where she takes a breath, preparing to re-invite him, and he looks at her expectantly. In the end, they both chicken out. Instead, he plays piano alone (with a tune that is clearly about Cuddy, complete with longing and a moment of Jewish-flavored melody). She greets people at the door, looking a little disappointed each time the guest is not House.

“I am incapable of acting like a human being.” -House

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House: Joy to the World, recap & review, Season 5 Episode 11

At a private school recital, an evil blond teen with excessive makeup pressures her chubby classmate to announce how lame their teacher is while they’re on stage. Even though this stinks of a set-up, the girl does it. Her vision gets all blurry and she spreads a little holiday cheer in vomit form. Merry Christmas, folks!

Chase and Kutner round up a group of the prank-ee’s classmates to find out if they poisoned her. Standing in a surgical observation room, the blond purveyor of wickedness cracks jokes about Natalie’s weight while texting her cronies. Liver failure is, like, so hilarious, isn’t it? Turns out they gave Nat some shrooms to loosen her up. Sure. Nothing makes me relax more than a healthy serving of hallucinogens.

While doing the differential diagnosis, Taub and Kutner come across a green present to “Greg” with a girly handwritten note attached. House throws it away like he means it which automatically piques Taub’s interest. And so begins the search for the mystery gift-giver. They ask Wilson if he knows where it came from. He weaves a yarn about Irene Adler, a patient who House nearly killed himself saving and subsequently fell in love with. The one that got away. Psych! The present was from Wilson; House is merely trying to entertain himself with a game of mindfuckery. Sidenote: Doesn’t it seem like Wilson actually would have girly handwriting? He’s so sensitive. *Sigh*

The Huntington’s clinical trial is going so well for Thirteen that she leaves Foreman a post-it thank you with a gift certificate to a day spa. I cannot for the life of me picture Foreman donning a fluffy robe and getting a pore-minimizing face scrub. Thirteen later hears that Janice, the woman with advanced Huntington’s, dropped out of the trial. She finds the woman, reintroduces herself (Remmy?) and hears about Foreman’s insensitive remarks. It was the same “get over it” speech he gave Thirteen. She confronts him, tells him he’s just like House, and walks out in a huff. This is not the first time we’ve heard Foreman compared to House in an insulting fashion. Nor is it the first time he feels compelled to make a temporary behavioral change because of it. True, House tends to be an insensitive, offensive (and hilarious) curmudgeon but he’s also teaching them to be better doctors. Anyway, Foreman invents a trial in tandem with the current one, with an easier dosage of meds for the woman. Thirteen tells him he’s not like House after all and they…kiss?!? Where the hell did that come from?

When Taub lets on he’s figured out who the gift is from, House reprimands him by giving him anal swab duty. Is there a more enjoyably wicked punishment? Having a cafeteria conversation (love these scenes), Wilson tells House if he’s nice to people he might actually get a real present without having to torture his team. House says: “You’re right. I’ve gotta stop being such a jerk.” The odd part? There wasn’t an ounce of irony in his tone.  

So House begins Mission: Be a Nice Guy by voluntarily doing clinic hours. We haven’t seen him interact with the kooky clinic patients in a while and it’s always been one of my favorite parts of the show. The first patient has a headache, morning sickness, and swollen boobs. She’s pregnant. House offers her mint tea. He’s serene and kind…until she claims to be a virgin. This unleashes his pathological need for sarcasm (I can relate). She asks if she could have gotten pregnant from a toilet seat and he replies: “Absolutely. There would need to be a guy sitting in between you and the toilet seat. But yes, absolutely.” He tries to be nice again with the next patient, championing through even as she asks whether she looks “like an idiot.” But when she uses her inhaler like a perfume bottle, an amused look spreads across his face, and we all know what that means.

The “virgin” and her fiancé, with whom she shares a vow of chastity, come back to do a paternity test on the fetus. House walks in, does his best “I’m shocked” expression, and leaves them alone for 6 hours. When he returns, he claims the baby is a subject of parthenogenesis, Immaculate Conception. Just in time for Christmas! The most-gullible-guy-ever gasps at the news. House finally gets his present from the fake-chaste girl. And all he had to do was perpetrate an elaborate lie about a medical miracle.

In the meantime, Natalie vomits blood (I think it’s a requirement for every episode), has pulmonary edema, liver failure, seizures, tuberculosis, and is eventually diagnosed with eclampsia (a bit of a stretch considering she gave birth 3 weeks earlier). Turns out she got secretly impregnated by shroom dealer, Simon, and left the presumed-dead baby near a soup kitchen. She has two days to live.

House notes Cuddy’s frequent presence during the case and, like any good egotist, assumes it’s because of him. Then he guesses it has something to do with the failed adoption. Whatever the reason, it allows Cuddy to be the one to find the not-dead baby (in the arms of a kindly homeless woman). Natalie has a tearful reunion with her daughter, which can relieve her of the guilt she feels before she dies. Neither family wants the child and Cuddy begins the adoption process. Note the title of the episode. Remember, she was going to name the other baby Joy. So will she use the same name for this child? Also, didn’t House seem awfully melancholy about the news? Is he feeling left out?

“I think you’re confusing nice and evil again.” -Cuddy

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