The Dope Box TV Blog

Blair is treated to Daddy Waldorf, his suave manfriend, and Dorota wearing Yale colors while standing in front of a blue and white breakfast spread. Inside a Yale duffel is a tiny bulldog, which is the university’s mascot. Gays, color-coordination, muffins, and puppies? Geez, all I got was a free university tee and spiral notebook for my college send-off. Sidenote: Bulldog’s name (Handsome Dan)? Hilarious.

I thought it appropriate that Gilmore Girls got a reference this week. Not since Rory have we seen a teen girl so set on Ivy League glory (unintentional rhyming, I swear!). Blair is so obsessed with Yale that Serena doesn’t have the heart to tell her she got in while Miss Waldorf got wait-listed. I’m no expert on the inner workings of Yale admissions, but is it realistic that Blair (who gets A’s and has a perfect record) is overlooked for Serena (who reserves her brain cells for studying boys and prancing about in shiny dresses)?

The new English professor, Miss Carr, could easily pass for a student. When she’s given a B on a paper, Blair snatches the Iowan teacher up by her arm and explains the concept of “free passes” for second semester seniors. In order to decide whether Miss Carr deserves punishment, Penelope and some other minion play Angel/Devil on Blair’s shoulders. A prank is played on the poor gullible teacher, wherein she gets dressed up for the opera and waits outside a closed restaurant in the cold.

Chuck has planted coke in Jack’s gymbag, set him up with 2 tranny hookers, got him on Megan’s list (for registered sex offenders in California), and tried to buy anthrax with his credit card. But after several failed attempts at dethroning Uncle Basshole, Chuck has come to Lily for help. Watching the two of them bond over Jack’s downfall is cute…except when Chuck gets pissy and repeatedly refers to Rufus as Lily’s “mistress.”

Lily suggests usurping Jack like a responsible adult, but that route doesn’t pay off. Jack shows up during a meeting with a board member and tells Lily he’s better suited for the position of Top Bass than a woman of her “reputation.” Ever ladylike, she hands him a hanky (cloth, of course) to wipe the excess coke off his nose.

My stomach churned repeatedly as we were exposed to an overdose of Nate and Vanessa pawing at each other. Apparently, Captain Vanilla has the Archibald fortune back at his fingertips and Our Lady of Perpetual Buzzkill is bent out of shape about it since she’s all poverty-stricken. She proudly presents him with tickets to the opera (nose-bleed seats). But after sitting next to an old lady with dusty mints and a funky snort-cough, V relents and sits in the Archibald box.

Other happenings at the opera:

• Dan tells Serena that the solution to their parents dating is to bury the weirdness in tiny boxes at the bottom of the ocean. Whah?
• Lily formally adopts Chuck, making her his guardian and new Head of Bass Industries.
• Jack finds out about the switch and tries to rape Lily in the bathroom. Chuck gallantly saves the day and punches his uncle (with nary a hair out of place); Rufus looks mildly ruffled by it all.

Blair actually gets in trouble for her teacher prank (even though she apologized and everything), receiving detention and having Yale put on hold. Dorota knows its war when she sees the look on Blair’s face. It’s Waldorf Black Ops; off the radar, no accountability. Meanwhile, in a Brooklyn art gallery a world away, Miss Carr stops by for a cappuccino (slut!) and LonelyBoy ignores the call of one blond sharer-of-a-sibling. A sweet development: Chuck decides he’d like to move back in to the Van der Woodsen/Bass apartment. Might we see Charles leave the coke-sniffing/whoring in favor of a little Blair-wooing?

Now it’s time for the weekly rundown of the uncredited character I enjoy most: Chuck’s wardrobe.

Plaid items: 4

V-neck pullovers: 2

Shirt/Matching socks combo: 1 (salmon!)

Bowties: 1 (polka-dots, my fave)

Sadly, I still mourn the loss of the fugly red/white/blue signature scarf. Also going through a serious ascot withdrawal.

“Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I’m just trying to stay calm.” -Blair

Related Posts: Gossip Girl: The Evolution of Chuck Bass

Gossip Girl: The Evolution of Chuck Bass

Arguably one of the top two most interesting characters on the show, Chuck Bass has gone through some changes in the last 1 ½ seasons. In the season one pilot, he wanders around Central Park smoking a joint while razzing Nate for not yet taking Blair’s virginity. This is the mildest of the offensive things he does/says in the episode.

Chuck spots Serena drinking her troubles away at a hotel bar (presumably his father’s). She mentions hunger. He baits her with the promise of a grilled cheese with truffle oil and she follows him back to the kitchen. Thinking a sandwich is a fair trade for sex, he tries to force himself on her. She gets free from his evil clutches by kicking him in the balls.

At the Kiss on the Lips party, he tries to cure his boredom by messing with Jenny Humphrey. He escorts her to a dim and empty back room, kisses her as she squirms, then apologizes while trying to get her wasted. Cut to a few minutes later: he’s having a go at date rape on the roof until Dan comes and punches him in the face.

Chuck was the resident slimeball for a while. He was the Captain of Orgies; the snorting/smoking/drinking/lying Skeeve Master. It’s hard to pinpoint an exact moment when he started to become appealing. We caught tiny inklings of likability after Blair and Chuck started their affair. But the creep level was still fairly high until sometime after the Van der Woodsens and Basses started co-habitating. During the Georgina mishap, he was protective of Serena in a brotherly way. Seeing him care for a female, in the absence of a devious agenda, made him seem far less revolting.

After a summer filled with women and decadence, Bass has remained a fairly good boy this season. He had an extremely brief moment with Vanessa during the Cruel Intentions-like dare from Blair (that thankfully didn’t lead to anything substantial) but has otherwise remained abstinent. We also don’t see him with a substance harder than a glass of scotch. Shinier hair, more debonair (which may rhyme but it doesn’t make it any less true). He’s got real feelings for Miss Waldorf. So now, in addition to being a scheming-elitist-narcissist, he is also a human being. Of course, all these factors would be meaningless without the devilish expressions, naughty charm, and witty dialogue. And the wardrobe. God, I love those ascots.

“Watching you fail spectacularly gives me so much joy” -Chuck

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