The Dope Box TV Blog

Gossip Girl, CW television series, Mondays

Serena takes a momentary break from emo boys who make jewelry out of candy to help Blair in her quest for Yale admittance. Unfortunately, this puts B in the position to babysit a girl on a mission to become a woman. When the sexually inactive lass runs into Chuck, who she treats like a rock star, it seems as if her wish is to be granted. Virgin in the back of Chuck’s limo? Surely he’ll rectify that little oversight. But alas, Chuck shows that he’s evolved from the date rape perv of last season and (gasp!) turns the girl down.

And so begins the search for the desperate teen. Bass eventually saves the day with a little help from Gossip Girl. Blair manages to snap a compromising picture of the girl’s mom pawing at some dude who isn’t her husband. But B becomes empathetic to the girl’s plight (you know, ridiculously rich with mommy issues) and decides not to blackmail the mother. Blair not using perfectly handy coercion material? Chuck choosing not to deflower a young virgin? While I appreciate some progression of character, I hope they don’t ebb the delightful scheming factor of the show too much.

Little J and Agnes busily prepare for the “guerilla fashion show” they’ve been plotting. Jenny is distracted by thoughts of Captain Vanilla Archibald (who now has a penchant for Mr. Rogers cardigans). It’s also revealed that Vanessa still hearts Nate too. He is very, very pretty.

When Dan (dressed in his best gray swaddling blanket) Rufus, and Vanessa catch wind of Jenny’s plans they race to put an end to them. They arrive in time to see the crowd of affluent folks really enjoying the show. Vanessa gets all huffy when she spots Nate and Jenny kissing. Honestly. If Vanessa lays claim to everyone she’s kinda dated, there will be no guys left for anyone else.

Instead of being super cool and supportive, Rufus craps all over Little J’s successful night. And in a monster dick move, he actually tries to have her arrested! In an effort to escape from Dan & Daddy Downer, Jenny packs up her stuff and disappears in the night.

Now it’s time for the weekly rundown of the uncredited character I like the most: Chuck’s wardrobe.

Ascot count: 1

Plaid items: 1

Cardigans: 1

Ubiquitous red/white/blue scarf sighting? Nope. (*Tear*)

What, no pocket squares?!

“All that glamour nearly led to the slammer.”

Gossip Girl, CW TV show, Mondays

Opening sequence…was Blair, uh, clicking the mouse?

Blair calling Dan for advice? That was weird. It was nice to see him holding back on the self-righteousness, though. Until Vanessa, Lady of Perpetual Buzzkill, tells Danny boy her tale of woe. To perform vengeance in her name, he plants seeds of doubt in Blair’s head seconds before she plans to say those 3 little words to Chuck. Jeez, Dan. It’s going to be hard to act super moral if you keep being a vindictive a-hole.

Serena is, thankfully, showing signs that she’s over Dan. Now she’s moving on to the next arty, sanctimonious windbag.

Looks like Jenny got a new haircut. Which is some sort of cross between Blondie and MacGyver. She’s also started wearing bowler hats and dramatic eyeliner. There is definitely a nervous breakdown a-comin’.

It is clear from the first time we see Agnes that she is trouble. Her photographer friend excels at creepdom. The scene where they dance around and take their tops off while he takes pictures: Vomit-inducing. Knight-in-shining-armor Nate gallops in just in time to protect damsel Jenny’s virtue. And then he makes out with her.

Now it’s time for the weekly rundown of the uncredited character I like the most: Chuck’s wardrobe.

 Ascot count: 1

Usher jackets: 1

Bow ties: 1

Pocket squares: 1

Ubiquitous red/white/blue scarf sighting? Sadly, no.

Unfortunately, there was much less of Chuck this week since we mostly followed trainwreck Jenny, and then Blair as she plotted and pined. Must. Have. More. Chuck.

 ”A sister he’d like to do.”

-Agnes, calling Nate’s crush on Jenny

 ”You walk in on surgery halfway through it looks like murder.”

-Aaron