The Dope Box TV Blog

Real World/Road Rules: The Island, MTV series, Wednesdays

The host of this reunion special was virtually silent during the first half of the show. I was ready to dismiss him as yet another unprepared MTV hack until he said, “Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. You dumb bitch.” Golf clap. 

Evelyn, sans omnipresent visor, got all gussied up for this reunion special. She fielded questions with a level head and managed with ease to look like the most rational person there. Now on to the crazies.

I have been around enough sloppy, drunk, pill-popping college chicks to know one when I see one. That doesn’t make it any less amusing. KellyAnne got her batshit on…using “fuck” as the glue that held her words together, flailing her arms at a pace that was out of synch with her yelling, jaunting through several trains of thought per sentence. It was also revealed that she’s doing Johanna’s ex-fiancé out of spite. I’m certain MTV producers were chomping at the bit to rebook her.

 Paula’s self-pity caused her to spend a good portion of the show hyperventilating. She seemed angrier about looking like a chump than losing $75K. Expecting Bananas to apologize for doing what he had to do to win is nuts. This is not a documentary on friendship. If it were, there would be more hair-braiding and less drunken fights over limp dongs.

 ”It’s 90% wiener.” -Ryan, on his man/woman ratio

RW/RR: The Island, MTV series, Wednesdays

Proving he is a privileged pansy, Johnny Bananas exclaims that having his key taken away by Ev was the most “gut-wrenching” experience of his life.

 Dan’s shenanigans were funny in the beginning but I feel bad for his liver. Will we see him on Celebrity Rehab next?

 Can Robin speak without crying?

 Derek’s speech was very sweet. “I’d be, like, ‘Aye aye!’”

I have found Evelyn to be chronically irritating on all previous seasons. But after her “F*ck you and f*ck your alliance” speech, I started to root for her. I was happy when she took Dunbar’s key. He didn’t earn it and he has the gaze of a stab-happy mental patient.

 Paula had multiple temper tantrums after realizing she wouldn’t be on the boat with the boys. Her alliance members made it clear from the beginning that they were sexist pigs. All along she criticized girls just like her chauvinist counterparts did, probably in an effort to show she was one of the guys. I guess she didn’t fully understand how dispensable they viewed females until she was tossed aside.

 Clearly, the U.S. Army was a sponsor this season.

 ”His mouth is very expensive.” -Paula, on Johnny