The Dope Box TV Blog

House, Let Them Eat Cake, Fox TV series, Episode Recap & Review Blog

Emmy’s the kind of fitness instructor who enthusiastically roots for you while doing tummy crunches by your side; all pep, no bite. When a rotund man has trouble breathing, she gently guides him through the workout. She says things like: “Feel that burn? That’s your body carving out its new shape.” Her positivity seems to inspire the winded chap. Personally, I couldn’t help thinking: Someone should push her ass down the stairs. Shortly thereafter, Emmy loses consciousness and does a full-body roll down a dozen bleachers. I probably wasn’t supposed to laugh, but I did.

At Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, the fitness guru is happy to do a stress test if it means she gets to exercise. She scoffs at the mere mention of indulgence. Yet again, this incites hostility within me and I’m delighted when the hag falls over. A scan of her stomach reveals that she’s had gastric bypass surgery. Slightly hypocritical, considering her whole career involves telling people to lose weight the “right” way. Taub seems irritated by the discovery and points out her duplicity. She asks whether he’d have a surgery if it would make him taller (a sucky hypothetical since that kind of surgical procedure actually does exist). His response made me chuckle: “Sure, but I wouldn’t call a meeting of the Lollipop Guild and tell them they can grow if they work real hard at it.”

When she’s certain she is going to die, Emmy asks for chocolate cake. Totally understandable. After a handful of misdiagnoses and some interesting tests (Poop: buoyant or not?) they arrive at a diagnosis that displeases her more than imminent death. She has hereditary coproporphyria, which is regulated by consuming a diet high in carbohydrates. House recommends finishing off the chocolate cake she started. Is there anything more awesome than a chocolate cake treatment? Rather than celebrating her cool excuse to pig out, Emmy opts to take medicine to treat the symptoms. She’d rather be thin and pretty than plump and healthy. The sick part of it is that most women would probably make the same choice.

Thirteen starts the clinical trial for Huntington’s and finds out her nerves have started degenerating. Foreman is suspicious when she’s consistently late for appointments. Using that reliable House-ian method to get around patients who lie, Foreman breaks into her apartment. Turns out she’s following the prescribed treatment perfectly. She’s just avoiding being near people who are visibly suffering from the disease. It brings up painful memories of her mother. Foreman tells her she needs to show up on time, regardless of how hard it is.

Jumping on the entrepreneurial train, Kutner starts a little online diagnosis business. For whatever reason, he lets Taub in on the details. The site is called: Dr. Gregory House’s Second Opinion Clinic with Dr. Gregory House. Just a teensy bit fraudulent. Taub agrees to keep it mum if he gets 30% of the profits. DeeDee, an online patient with lopsided boobs and hair loss, threatens to sue them if they don’t figure out what’s wrong with her. All tattooed and leather-clad, she shows up at the hospital, starts singing the Lime in the Coconut song that unites crazies and drunks alike, and begins bleeding from her ears. Which brings up the age-old chicken vs. egg quandary: Which came first, the Coconut song or the ear bleeding?

Cameron and Chase offer their help (though Chase requires a 25% cut) but keep urging them to tell House. Boob girl drops dead and House pays Taub and Kutner a visit in the morgue. He prattles on about how easy she would have been to cure and starts giving her chest compressions. She magically awakens from her stony slumber. Nah, the whole thing was a ruse, acted out by a thespian hooker who was hired by House to scare the shit out of Taub and Kutner. Now they have to cut him in for 50%. Don’t you just love a dead hooker hoax?

This episode was brimming with House/Cuddy interaction…

Since her office is a disaster, due mostly to the whole hostage catastrophe, Cuddy decides to share with House. During the differential diagnosis of Emmy, Cuddy interjects her opinions at a steady pace, cramping one particular curmudgeon’s style. And so begins their form of flirtation: a one-upping competition.

When Cuddy started playing with House’s ball, I knew testicle jokes would soon follow. While she’s on the phone, House loudly asks whether she’s seen his balls. She says she has them and he’s not getting them back. House gets rid of the furniture; Cuddy purposely spills hydrogen sulfide (which smells like a giant fart); House sledgehammers her toilet, then convinces a contractor to redo her office according to his plans. Installing a bidet instead of a toilet? Brilliant.

While Huddy breaks their sexual tension by torturing one another, Wilson offers each of them some solid advice. He tells Cuddy she chose House’s office because she wants a relationship, but sitting across from him “ain’t gonna get it done.” After House explains his plans to mess with Cuddy’s office renovation, Wilson wisely mentions this will only prolong their cohabitating. He tells House to just ask her out already. I love Wilson.

In a sexually charged moment, House accuses Cuddy of dressing sexy to tempt him. They get excruciatingly close and she says, “I think we’re supposed to kiss.” Since that step has already been crossed off his list, he skips the lips and cups a boob. She exits in a mild huff and is shocked to find her office looking…lovely. Her old desk from med school sits in the middle of the room. House? Making a sweeping romantic gesture like that? She’s all smiles and bounces her way to his office…where he’s chatting up DeeDee.

Frustrated? Don’t be. Yes, he has feelings for Cuddy, but he’s still House. Irascible, naughty, unpredictable House. He’s also a bit of a chicken when it comes to love. My problem with the final scene isn’t House’s actions; I expect him to be imperfect. I had an issue with Cuddy’s reaction. She’s tough. The whole episode showed she can go toe-to-toe with the cunning antagonist. Shouldn’t she just have barged in, kicked that hooker out, and tackled him? I find the shrinking violet act to be a bit of a sham, part of a subterfuge to further string us along. And it’s totally working.

“Is this fun for you? Analyzing everyone else’s fun away?” –House, to Wilson

House, Last Resort, Fox TV series, Epsiode Recap & Blog

The clinic is seen in slow motion, maybe to highlight the monotonous surroundings, maybe to bring focus to the average but creepy man who’s sitting in solemn observation. As time returns to normal, Foreman talks to Thirteen about a new clinical trial for those afflicted with Huntington’s. She declines the offer and tells him she’s not interested in doing anything to impede the disease’s progression. I assumed all that casual sex with strangers and rampant drug use was about experiencing as much pleasure as possible before she dies. But her absolute refusal to do anything proactive makes it seem like the girl is eager to accelerate the whole death thing.

Creepy glum guy from the waiting room wanders into Cuddy’s office, where House is snooping, and asks to see her. House turns him away but he comes back with a little incentive. A gun. Jason (played by expert scene stealer Zeljko Ivanek), has some mystery illness that a mound of doctors couldn’t diagnose properly. Naturally, he decides to rustle up a pistol and a few hostages to force a doctor to figure out what ails him. An armed man makes House no more delicate than usual but, rather, incites sardonic one-liners for a repeated proverbial poking of the bear. There were also several oddball symptoms this time around, which I tend to look forward to. Among the oddball-iest: superhuman hearing, lopsided smile, partial deafness (which was only weird because it followed superhuman hearing), half-face sweating, and an inability to spit.

It is decided that Cuddy will be the liaison, bringing in meds and taking out hostages as needed. Jason requests someone test the injection before him and House chooses the plump fellow who was eager to volunteer Thirteen for the job. The armed nut’s suspicions are confirmed when tubby falls to the ground. To show everyone he’s crazy, like, for real, he shoots a yuppie hostage in the leg. His hand shook as he pulled the trigger, though, indicating he was rattled and unsure. Which begs the question: Is it better to have a calm and rational captor or a shaky and apprehensive one? Thirteen volunteers to be the guinea pig for the subsequent rounds of medicine despite the risk of nerve damage, muscle damage, and kidney failure. It’s unclear whether she’s sacrificing herself to protect others or because she just doesn’t care how soon she meets her maker.

SWAT guy asks Cuddy if she has a loved one involved with the case. She says, “Uh, no.” The pained expression on her face every time she sees House in that room suggests otherwise.

House, his old team, and the newbies all get on speakerphone to run a differential diagnosis. Chase leaves, refusing to participate because it means giving in to intimidation (I guess he’s changed since the days of kowtowing to House, huh?). Foreman eventually comes to the same conclusion and bails. Does this demonstrate their advanced morality or their cowardice?

House continually tries to figure out what has made the patient reach this level of desperation. Love gone wrong? Humilation by doctors? Job troubles? Loony guy says he just wants to know the answer. Huh. Going to unreasonable lengths to solve a puzzle? Now, who does that sound like…  

During a particularly memorable scene, Jason swaddles himself in hostages in order to head to radiology for a CT scan. The metal in his gun causes a Starburst Artifact, which makes the scan look all explode-y. House gets the gun; the smart hostages get the hell out of there, leaving behind Jason, the docs, and a guy who’s smoked one bowl too many. In a game of Who’s Crazier, House gives the lunatic back the gun so he can finish solving the case after the scan reveals the diagnosis was wrong. Understandably, this infuriates Thirteen, looking pallid and sickly, since she’d probably like a break from being a walking medicinal cocktail.

The final diagnosis comes when Jason admits to vacationing in Florida, which he didn’t know was a tropical location, unlocking the key to his condition. The SWAT negotiator refuses to give him meds unless he releases a hostage: House. This last round would be the nail in Thirteen’s coffin, which is cool with the kook since he thinks she’s got a death wish anyway. During the moment when she’s faced with the needle that could kill her, Thirteen decides she wants to live after all. Jason snatched the needle away, injects himself, and the SWAT team enters via exploding wall.

House pops a Vicodin then motions to Jason, as he’s being carted away in handcuffs, to take a deep breath. The patient flashes a relieved, poignant smile as he realizes his illness has been cured and he can breathe freely. Which is about the only thing he’ll be doing freely from now on. A little dialysis fixes Thirteen right up and she tells Foreman to count her in for the clinical trial.

Huddy fans everywhere are a little sadder after the relationship between House and Cuddy continues to stall. She claims her feelings for him clouded her judgment during the crisis, thereby signifying the reason why they shouldn’t pursue a romance. Seriously? They can’t be together because she may not be rational during the next hostage situation? I know, she’s likely saying that their romance will cause her to enable his every whim in daily goings-on. But, wait, doesn’t she pretty much do that anyway? She attempts to open her desk drawer, only to have it collapse, which shows what House had been doing snooping around her office. A sophomoric prank. Seems like he’s reverting back to the pre-kiss era. Alas, it would appear that “Huddy” is not to be.

“I need to slap you for diagnostic purposes.” -House