The Dope Box TV Blog

Doing God’s work sucks unless you have your faith to keep you entertained. It’s clear from the resentful way he cleans, fetches a jacket for the freezing bum, and gets his booze on that this priest is just not that into the Lord anymore. And what happens when a priest loses his faith? Why, Jesus shows up in full-on stigmata mode to get his attention, of course! Being the unfaithful man of God he is, he assumes it’s a hallucination rather than a visit from the son of the big guy.

During his stay at Princeton Plainsboro, the priest blathers about his doubts in God. It all stems from a past incident where a teenage boy claimed he’d been diddled. Priest got shipped off like a shamed and deflowered teen in the 50’s. Claiming innocence, he lost his faith because he couldn’t rationalize God’s purpose for this plight. Misgivings about God make House giddy. He forms a strange bond with the priest, eating and chatting together like old chums. Chums who share a distaste for all things holy and a knack for causing disgust in others.

When the team assumes the priest has AIDS, Taub decides to find the priest’s accuser. The kid doesn’t seem bothered by the news for his own sake but is concerned about how the priest is doing. He ends up coming to visit and kneeling down, apologizing profusely. Verdict: priest is definitely not a pedophile.

Following a barrage of incorrect diagnoses and a little toe necrosis, the patient is diagnosed with Wiskott-Aldrich Syndrome. The priest swore his faith was dead but when told he’s going to be alright, he falls back into old habits, wondering if all the coincidences that brought him to that point were really God’s handiwork. He cites Einstein: “Coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.”

So did reliably atheistic House scratch “hallucinations” off the list and say “we can’t know everything” because he thinks the priest may have really gotten a visit from a levitating and recently crucified Jesus? He claims the vision was caused by alcohol, but how many of us hallucinate the presence of deities after a couple shots of whiskey?

House took on the diagnosis of the priest (deeming it a “fake case”) because the team was broken and he blamed Foreteen. He gave them until the final diagnosis to either split as a couple or quit the job. The possibility of either of those options made me so delighted that, if I wasn’t wholly incapable of physical coordination, I would have done a cartwheel.

Foreman decides that he’ll quit but Cuddy won’t give him a recommendation. Who would? He unethically (and stupidly) switched out Thirteen’s meds. Worse than that, he tattled on himself when it wasn’t necessary. Thirteen decides she’ll quit since getting another job would be easy for her. Foreman takes this as an assault on his manhood or something, reacting with a pointed bisexual joke. They break up in front of House and bicker at every given moment. In the end, Thirteen comes home, does a little theatrical bow, and straddles Foreman. It was all a ruse so they could keep their jobs and stay together. Maybe this veiled secret will make their relationship a little less like a visit from the sedative fairy.

This week continued the saga of Huddy: Will They or Won’t They? Cuddy is throwing a Jewish baby-naming ceremony for Rachel and invites House to make sure he won’t come. After figuring out the invite was insincere, House is determined to accept just to spoil her subterfuge. Wilson, being the resident expert on emotional intent, tells House he secretly wants to go to be a part of the baby’s life. Sidebar: I also hate it when they put the mushrooms under the cheese.

Upon hearing about House curing the priest, Cuddy makes it clear to Wilson that she has changed her mind about keeping House away. Who can blame her? Guys who save lives, despite any other personality flaws, are hot. As Huddy wait to leave the hospital, they have a moment where she takes a breath, preparing to re-invite him, and he looks at her expectantly. In the end, they both chicken out. Instead, he plays piano alone (with a tune that is clearly about Cuddy, complete with longing and a moment of Jewish-flavored melody). She greets people at the door, looking a little disappointed each time the guest is not House.

“I am incapable of acting like a human being.” -House

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We’re always treated to disgusting symptoms. In fact, nary an episode goes by that we don’t see blood being hacked up or spit out or mixed with urine in a catheter. This time, the patient of the week at Princeton Plainsboro has a smorgasbord of bloody unpleasantness. Her belly swells with blood; she sleepily scratches a hole through her head all the way to brain matter; she oozes blood out every facial orifice. Her problem? A super gnarly period.

Despite bringin’ the grossness, the patient also inspired rage, guilt, and introspection in those around her. She had been a brilliant doctor, close to curing kiddie cancer, when she decided she wasn’t happy and became a chef’s assistant instead. She essentially gave the “greater good” the finger so she could chop onions beside pretentious guys in funny hats.

The abandonment of such a noble cause makes Taub question his wife’s decision to forgo having offspring and makes Wilson pissy. Taub eventually decides he’s cool with no kids and Wilson fesses up to being haunted by Amber’s stuff. More specifically, Wilson is haunted by Amber’s mug that has been sitting next to the sink, growing botulism since her death. Its ultimate washing symbolizes a healthy move forward. Sidebar: Seeing Wilson wash dishes makes me so zen.

Foreman and Thirteen are doing it. When they’re in bed together, Foreman makes a verbal observation about her pillow-full of nighttime saliva: “You drool.” He doesn’t say it in a playful way either, but it succeeds in making her giggle and look coyly at her spitty pillow. Later, he tells her about the totally unethical switcheroo he pulled and she responds by saying she’s not comfortable with him being that into her. Turns out she has some kind of ocular tumor which magically sprouted in less than a week of being on the real trial meds. After an MRI, Foreman goes to visit her and she has the big “My leg is bleeding and I’m blind!” reveal, making me snicker uncontrollably. House and Foreman perform radiation on her, resulting in an “I can see!” moment. This time my snicker turned to a full-blown belly laugh. Even though she’s better and there is absolutely no valid reason, Foreman rats on himself to the trial doctor. Oh, and we get another slice of Foreteen pillowtalk: “You snore.”

The most enjoyable part of the episode was Cuddy’s ongoing revenge on House. Due to the fact that no one else is capable of dealing with his tomfoolery, Cuddy has to leave Rachel with a nanny so she can resume her duties. Interestingly, all her pranks involve causing him harm or discomfort on a physical level, readily taking advantage of the fact that he’s gimpy. In a particularly amusing moment, House’s cane is stolen so he snatches the janitor’s mop and bucket for support. He wheels his way in to see Cuddy who looks up and says, “I don’t remember demoting you.”

House does not retaliate, claiming he wants a return to normalcy and his reprisal will only escalate things. Wilson is convinced that House is really just taking the hits because he feels guilty about being the cause of Cuddy’s forced return. When Cuddy eventually apologizes he tells her he blames Aunt Flo for her recent bought of vengeance. Can’t a girl ever be enraged to the point of pranks and boobytraps without menstruation being the presumed culprit? And, perhaps more importantly, what the hell is going on with Cuddy’s bangs?

“Shocks without shock; an itch that won’t stop. She needs Dr. Seuss.” -House