Feb 6 2009

Grey’s Anatomy: Beat Your Heart Out - Hugs not Drugs

Serena Mercay
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A quickened heartbeat can symbolize a number of things. It can be the result of an illness or disease, but most often we associate a racing heart with emotion: fear, panic, love.

Bailey’s just returned from a 3 day vacation to find out she’s getting promoted. She looks like she’s on the verge of collapsing when she gets her first case. A deathly ill child, precisely what she’d like to avoid. Although she has quiet moments of panic, she doesn’t let the child see it. She calmly translates Dixon’s awkward barrage of medical jargon. And later, talks her through getting stabbed in the chest with a needle so huge it should have had Acme written on the side and been administered by a wascally wabbit.

In surgery, it’s clear the kid’s heart is diseased or, as Dixon tactfully puts it, “finished.”  Bailey is so upset she leaves mid-surgery to have some cuddle time with her son. Inspired by a backpack, she figures out a way for the girl to get her meds without being imprisoned in a hospital bed. All the happiness and celebration (and one rogue hug from the mom) makes Dixon blow a gasket. The solution? Applying deep pressure to decrease her metabolic rate and slow her speedy pulse. We laymen know this as a bear hug.

Bailey’s composed strength with ailing kids and her determination to find a solution, however unorthodox, proves she’d be a stellar pediatric surgeon. Plus, she’s a master bedazzler.

Romance is blooming all over Seattle Grace. With Denny out of the picture, Izzie and Alex are enjoying sexy-time sans jealous dead guy interruptions. She’s also having interns do a zillion tests on her, apparently heeding Denny’s warnings about her health. The blood tests say she’s just anemic. As far as I know, a low concentration of hemoglobin doesn’t cause ghostly hallucinations. I’m guessing the interns (in all their daftness) accidentally switched the test results. I’ll be delighted when that plotline dies, even if it takes Izzie with it.

Blink-and-you-miss-him George spottings: briefly mocking Izzie’s unnecessary MRI; tiny lunchroom caveat about avoiding heinous sex position number 15.

Sloane’s fractured penis caused the relationship he has with Lexie to strengthen. Forced to forgo sex, they two have been growing on an emotional level. She wants to end the secrecy and be a couple in public. Callie also gets in on the debate, calling him an idiot and having yet another personally revealing outburst during surgery. “I’m celibate!”

Derek is trying to find the perfect way to propose to Meredith. Yang tells him not to go overboard, while the Chief insists that proposals should include skywriting and rowboating. Derek would just like to be able to ask without fearing she’ll jump off a dock into icy water and forget to be buoyant.

Hearing Meredith talk about how cute their babies are going to be makes Derek get that gooey-eyed look. He then avoids her like the plague because he’s nervous about the proposal. She thinks he’s spooked by the notion that their spawn will be genetically inferior, citing Alzheimer’s, suicidal tendencies, and split ends (noticeably absent from her list: a predilection for whining, trouble noticing that which doesn’t directly involve her). He consoles her, adorably confirming that he does indeed want her “crappy babies.”

In the end, he opts to set the stage with a roomful of roses, candles, and a slightly disturbing stuffed polar bear. When Meredith comes home later, the room is swept clean with only a solitary rose petal left behind. Derek left to help Addison’s brother, that guy from Melrose Place. Because, let’s face it, parasitic brain infestations always take precedent over sweeping romantic gestures.

For me, the exchange between Yang and Hunt made Derek’s efforts look like clichéd schmaltziness. Dreamy piano music plays and the pair are shown in slow motion. They walk close beside each other without speaking, both of them shy but keenly aware of the other’s presence. He glances over at her neck and softly grazes the back of her hand with his fingers before departing. Later, they smile at each other from across the hall, a similar scene beginning again, until Hunt spots a woman he evidently has some kind of history with and dives into a nearby room. Clearly in the midst of a panic attack, he tells Yang to leave him, but she administers the bear hug treatment gleaned from Dixon. He relents, devastated and traumatized by his mysterious past. In the on-call room, Hunt sleeps peacefully, wrapped around Cristina. You may now commence with swooning.

New rainbow couple alert: Arizona follows lonely Callie in to Joe’s bathroom. She comforts her by saying people only say the nicest things whilst gossiping about her. “The talk is good.” She makes up for her inarticulate speech with a solid lesbian snog.

“You’re a tiny person.” -Dixon


Jan 16 2009

Grey’s Anatomy: Sympathy for the Devil – Forced Smiles are Always Creepy

Serena Mercay
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This week continues the patient plotlines from last week. Will Bailey’s pet patient get his organs? Will McDreamy become so frazzled by “Prisoner Death Row” that he improperly mousses his hair? Will Izzie become pregnant with a half-ghost child? Let’s find out…

9:01 - Is there anything worse than being teased by a serial killer? Oh. Being killed by one. Right.

9:01 - Sure, PDR joyfully mocks Derek’s dreamy blue eyes and sea of dark locks now. But we all suffer when McDreamy doesn’t clock enough beauty sleep.

9:02 - Hot chicks and Jell-O. I guess even throat-slitting murderers have cliché fantasies.

9:02 - While I marvel at the chiseled physique of McSteamy, I can’t help but wonder…what’s up with his tomato-like complexion?

9:03 - Condoms in the cookie jar? Nookie and a cookie. Uncouth storage calamity saved by rhyming!

9:04 - If someone peed on your couch cushion wouldn’t you just throw it away?

9:05 - I could never trust a doctor in a pink scrunchy. It also makes Meredith resemble a sullen pony.

9:06 - Short dude looks like he got in a leg-wrestling match with a robot spider.

9:08 - “You’re mad at me because I killed those women. I get that.”

9:09 - Kid needs some organs, soon-to-be-dead murderer wants to donate. It’s highly implausible kismet!

9:11 - Either Meredith is uncomfortable around mothers or she’s summoning the rain gods.

9:13 - Hunt finally asks Yang out on a date. Also commands her to perform an enema on a stranger.

9:14 - “I’ve got a body full of high-quality parts here.”

9:16 - Now, I’m no psychoanalyst, but I think the little guy has an issue with being short.

9:20 - A few tidbits on Dr. McHeelys (Arizona): Likes Sprite, would be super happy about an organ delivery service, and clearly doesn’t recognize a “shut-up-and-let-me-pretend-to-be-asleep” tone when she hears one.

9:21 - Eating pork roast and being grilled about dead mom and abusive alky dad? I’d rather run and play with a serial killer too.

9:22 - Tator tots! Woot!

9:23 - Isn’t there an age limit on drinking a juice box in public?

9:24 - Dr. McHeelys is a little cavalier about yanking the organs out of a dead kid.

9:24 - Jokes about brain herniation causing delirium are way funny.

9:25 - They still hang people? Who would choose neck-breaking over lethal injection?

9:30 - Holy inappropriate face-grabbing!

9:31 - I’m continually amazed by the ability of the Seattle Grace docs to compare their own troubles with those of their patients, regardless of any actual similarities. When operating on short guy, Callie prattles on about how “humiliation makes you shorter.” It’s not easy to equate being abandoned by a lesbian lover to disfigurement caused by a failed bone-lengthening.

9:32 - McHeelys is callous as a self-preservation tactic. Must she bring up tiny coffins, though?

9:34 - Yang has a girlie little bounce around Hunt. “So what was your best surgery ever?” Cristina and Meredith are definitely not good at being Izzie-like.

9:35 - Der yells and Mer to sign PDR’s surgery permission slip. Uncool.

9:41 - Kid will be intestine-free for 24 hours? Aren’t they dragging this out a little too much? Obviously, PDR is going to donate his organs.

9:43 - Only a true friend will tell you when your ponytail is overly-elevated. Looks like Cristina took the first step towards healing the rift with Meredith.

9:45 - My shorter little brother kept me from playing varsity basketball too! No, wait…it was my inability to run without wheezing and phobia of jerseys.

9:46 - McDreamy saving PDR means he can’t donate organs to kid. Which would mean they both end innocent lives for their own agendas, making the comparison between them valid. Although I understand the desire to punish PDR for the evil acts he committed, I don’t think it matters whether he dies in the hospital or on a prison table. Plus, tax payers foot the bill for his medical procedures. I mean, if he were real. Got me again, suspension of disbelief!

9:51 - What not to say to prospective mother-in-law: 1). “I’ve totally been faking my emotional stability.” 2). “I just can’t help it. I love me some serial killers!” 3). “I like to eat paste.” Well, at least she skipped number 3.

9:53 - Breaking up with dead guys is hard. Denny’s teary eyes partially thawed my frozen, black heart.

9:54 - Late, dapper, and drunk. That’s a dating scenario I’m familiar with.

9:56 - “You see things in black and white. Meredith doesn’t. You need a spoonful of that. You need her. She’s the one.”

9:57 - Hunt laid on a gutted soldier for 2 hours to stop the bleeding? I want to have his babies.

9:58 - I would totally get in the shower too. Emotionally wounded men are hot.

9:59 - Wait, if Denny is Izzie’s hallucination then why is he sitting on the bed with Alex after Izzie left the room? Are we to believe he’s a real ghost?

10:01 - The sound of someone’s head bashing against a hospital bed frame? Not as pleasant as one might imagine.

“You’re wearing an alarmingly high pony tail.” -Derek


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