The Dope Box TV Blog

America’s Next Top Model Cycle 11, CW TV series, Wednesdays

Paulina brought the remaining four models some silly objects to practice their acting skills. Raw, gutted herring? Smells like sunshine! Scratchy, chafe-inducing toilet paper? It’s an haute couture gown in the making!

Their challenge involved performing a little mock-commercial where they make eyes at a stranger in a cab, run up and smooch him, then steal his ride. The stranger is played by Mark Vanderloo, the second-most famous mid-90s underwear model named Mark (Funky Bunch, anyone?).  Sam was disappointed they were doing the scene in a room rather than outside, calls the treadmill “tread-meal”. Hungry, perhaps? She clowns it up, says she wasn’t nervous, then stumbles into a chair. Analeigh is natural and sweet but predictable; Mckey would rather be wrestling; Marjorie took the commercial in an unexpected direction (awkward-chic) and won a $10,000 shopping spree.

After her win, Marjorie gets confident and invites the boat boys to come over, requesting Pinot Noir. The girls all show their distinct personalities while the boys are around. Sam plays some cards, Mckey brawls, Analeigh dresses them in heels and mothers Marjorie who kisses boys w/tongue (well, she is French) & gets her drink on & takes a fully-clothed bath. The models seem to think this is a “sloppy, out of control, stupid” course of events. Really? No one got naked or hysterical or committed adultery or heaved or did anything illegal or vaguely interesting. Will these innocent girls be able to take the insanity of the fashion world if they can’t handle some pizza and white wine?

The girls are confused by their clue for the photo shoot which mentions “going Dutch”. Doesn’t that mean splitting the cost of a meal? I guess this time, instead of the clue being a metaphor, they went literal, making the ladies don wooden clogs and stand in front of windmills. I love a good windmill, don’t you?

The final pics:

Analeigh-Continues to surprise me; pulls off levitation shot. Honestly, I counted her out a long time ago but she’s really learned to use the grace of her body.

Sam-Does the same ol’ broken down doll poses we’ve seen a bajillion times.

Mckey-Wrestles with chains; makes me confused. I know she has all the right components but she’s never completely bowled me over. I do appreciate the alabaster skin/dark hair look, though.

Marjorie-All I have to say is NOOOOOO! The judges got it wrong. Marjorie looked like a superbly luminescent alien and I loved it. Subtlety is entirely lost on the judges. If they were in charge of the modeling world, it would be a sea of “fierce” eyed contortionists.

“This is high fashion toilet paper, Sam.” -Paulina

 P.S. Analeigh and Sam made an appearance on Big Bang Theory (funny show, btw). To watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhDcJlbK9kI

America’s Next Top Model Cycle 11, CW TV series, Wednesdays

The remaining models were given the task to get to as many go-sees as possible on a wee little boat. Seeing the girls through the designers’ eyes generally clarifies who has a realistic shot at winning. This is also normally the point in the season where my favorite gauche girl is sent packing for having a meltdown.

Samantha, who grates on my nerves when she opens her mouth or dresses herself, had a mixed performance. The Amsterdam designers didn’t like her because she is “too commercial” which translates to: “She eats? Away with her!” But after seeing her bring on the Maxim model vibe in the lingerie, it’s clear she’ll do fine in the states. Like Nigel, I was mad impressed with her sexually ambiguous casual shot.

Mckey’s dopey ears would’ve landed her all 4 modeling gigs but the pretty, pretty buildings and daylight made her lose all concept of time. When she was modeling the wedding dress I realized she’ll probably win this whole competition. And she may just be the first winner of ANTM to actually work even after the won contract expires. Strangely, she’s started speaking with a sporadic English accent. Unlike Tyra’s, Mckey’s seems involuntarily. Has she had a stroke? I’m gonna go ahead and diagnose her with Foreign Accent Syndrome. It’s a real affliction, y’all!

 Marjorie. My favorite little ball of neuroses. She couldn’t stop being frazzled and lost and oh-so-sad. The designers faulted her for being insecure and her hunchback went unappreciated. The judges didn’t like her any better even though her glamour picture was all sexy la femme Nikita.

 The designers seemed altogether horrified by Elina. One designer touched the model’s sweaty back and subsequently looked as if someone had given his peen a twist. He wisely advised her to never run again. Another designer saw the tattoos and shook her head disapprovingly. Rather judgmental for a society where you can pop into a coffee shop for hash cake and then around the corner for some window nookie.

 In a bizarre turn, Analeigh booked 3/3 go-sees. Because they liked her baby voice, exaggerated sweetness, and windy hair, she got EIGHTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of clothes. Why, that’s a whole closet full of poufy meringue-like gowns that transform into coats!

 It was European v. European in the final stretch and ANTM broke their usual pattern by keeping around the girl who couldn’t book a thing. Marjorie! You’ll see Elina again whenever Angelina J. needs a decoy to escape the paps with her brood of youngins.

 ”Yay! Sunshine!” -Mckey