Gossip Girl: Carnal Knowledge – Revenge a la Waldorf; Ripping off Kubrick

Serena Mercay
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You have to admire Blair’s dedication. What began as a simple punishment (Rachel being stood-up outside a closed restaurant) for a simple offense (Rachel giving Blair a B), now continues to escalate. If Miss Carr would have just relented there would be no need for such an epic duel. Blair is like quicksand; the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.

Serena is upset about Miss Carr and Dan meeting in a coffee shop but not for the reason you would think. She overhears Rachel talking about how smart and literary Humphrey is and gets to feeling inferior. In an extremely un-stealth move, S shoves her extra credit essay back in her purse and asks for more time. Serena’s hobbies now include: prancing around in weather-inappropriate clothing; obsessing over hopelessly emo boys; shamelessly seeking the approval of absolutely anyone.

After hearing Dan sputter a bumbling compliment about Rachel’s sweater choices (which is a sure sign of his adoration) Blair texts Gossip Girl saying they’re having a teacher/student elicit affair. This results in many a high-five for Dan, a pow-wow with Jenny (complete with reference to her raccoon-eye mascara of yore), and a mini-scolding from Serena.

Nelly Yuki tattles on Blair, who gets expelled. Upon getting assurance from his daughter that she did nothing wrong, Daddy Waldorf makes it his mission to prove her innocence. Serena talks to Rachel (who she suddenly starts calling “Miss Carr”) about letting B go back to Constance. When that fails, she takes the teacher’s daily planner and shows up at a scheduled mystery rendezvous. She is, of course, with Dan, who happens to be making moony eyes and sweeping the hair out of Rachel’s face at that precise moment. Rather than barging in and splitting the two up, S snaps a picture with her cell and gives it to Blair who uses it to get Rachel canned.

Serena casually prattles on about her involvement with the scandal to Dan. They could soldier on through their parents hooking up and sharing a sibling, but throw a little fictional scandal at them and they’re through. Their hundredth “Let’s be friends” break-up speech conveys as much grief as one would allot to the wilting of a head of cabbage. It would seem that even S and LonelyBoy are bored by their relationship.

Dan goes to Rachel’s apartment to comfort her after the public firing and she jumps him like a pogo-stick. Due to the glaring foreshadowing of this event, I had time to be apprehensive about it. But, I have to say, when the act happened I was totally rooting it on. They’re a better fit than he and Serena were (just mentioning them makes me yawn) and this pairing is sure to stir up plenty of juicy storylines. Plus, the song choice for the steamy scene was perfection.

An entire episode of Chuck was wasted by the bizarre retelling of Eyes Wide Shut (which I called from the first flashback). He has some blurry memories of a debauchery-filled secret society soiree. Chuck enlists Nate and Vanessa to help him retrace his steps. (Sidebar: Surprisingly, I was not nauseated by those two this episode. I actually found their little reenactment - dare I say it? - cute.) Chuck eventually finds the mystery girl from the party (it’s Nicki from The L Word!), who is part nanny, part whore. She shows up with a long illuminated candle and a warning about possible retribution from the White Collar Mafia. Later, Chuck goes through Bart’s vault for answers, openly (and cheesily) asking: “Father, what were you involved in?”

Now for the weekly rundown of the uncredited character I enjoy most: Chuck’s wardrobe.

Velvet items: 1 (black blazer)

Ascots: 1 (Finally!!!)

Wool: 2 (trench, gray blazer w/black piping)

Pocket squares: 1 (black)

Turtlenecks: 1 (black)

An overwhelming amount of black, once again. How I miss the loud argyle socks/sweater vests paired with plaid bow-ties. Perhaps we’ll see a return to ludicrously mismatched patterns in blaring colors when winter is over. Worth a mention: serious over-unbuttoning…hello chest hair!

“Thank you, Jesus.” -Minion

“No. Thank you, Blair.” - Blair

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009 at 4:48 pmand is filed under Gossip Girl. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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