Gossip Girl: O Brother, Where Bart Thou?

Serena Mercay
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Gossip Girl: O Brother, Where Bart Thou?

Well, this one was a doozy.

Bart Bass is dead and Chuck is in self-imposed solitary confinement at a hotel. He’s avoiding everyone while comforting himself with plenty of booze and possibly an orgy (didn’t they mention twins?). Blair is taking this avoidance very personally. Serena uses her mourning time to wander about in black negligee and talk about how “natural” it feels to spend so much time with Dan. Is anyone surprised?

Sneaking out, away from the prying eyes of her meddling mother, Lily meets with Rufus in the park. He says he’ll wait for her, as long as it takes, six months or six years. I think “forever” might have been a more romantic sentiment, but he tried. Cece followed Lily and now knows the union she tried so hard to break up is in full force.

At the funeral, Dan and Aaron bicker over who Serena texted first and when she arrives she noticeably hugs Dan longer. Basically, it’s a whole lotta boring until Chuck enters the scene. Hair mussed, eyes red, head cocked like a drunk and confused Rottweiler, the remaining Bass has to be held up by Nate and Blair. He spends much of his screen time snarling at people with nostrils flared, bandying about wild accusations. When Lily comes up to comfort him he says, “Don’t touch me, whore!” He tells Dan his father is to blame for Bart’s death, kicks him out (which made perfect sense to me) and stumbles inside.

Chuck is set on finding out why Bart met with Andrew Tyler before his death. He wants to know the details but the PI holds the file ransom until he gets bids from all concerned parties. At the reception, Chuckie boy leaves his friends to get back to information collecting. Nate tells Blair she’s “sweet” and “maternal” with him, both of which she blows off as Cyrus’s Jewish influence. And Cyrus has decided life is so fleeting that he must marry Eleanor the following night. Jenny pops over, offering to make Eleanor a wedding pantsuit to make amends for her eyeliner/mullet infused emotional breakdown. Honestly though, would a professional designer really trust a 15 year old kid to make her matrimonial attire? Wouldn’t she at least have a back-up option?

 

Doing his best to push everyone away, Chuck throws insults around before making a grand exit. Blair follows him to his limo, tells him to stay or take her. She gives a romantic speech, saying “I’ll stand by you through anything because… I love you.” She’s finally said those three little words. Although he looks gutted, he gathers his angry arrogance before replying, “Well that’s too bad.” If I were to psychoanalyze his actions, I would say he’s trying to distance himself from those he cares about because he’s afraid of another loss. He’s also full of pain and lacks the maturity to seek comfort through healthy channels. If he can find someone to blame, he thinks that will bring him solace.

Blair is devastated. After Cyrus tells her how happy he is that they’re becoming family, she blurts out that she told Chuck she loves him and that it did not go well. In a moment of undeniable sweetness, he comforts her and they share a sincere hug.

Aaron, master of impeccable timing, decides the funeral of his girlfriend’s stepfather is the perfect moment to present her with a ticket to Buenos Aires for Christmas. Pretty presumptuous move on his part. Now, I’m just a regular human being, but leaving my family at Christmastime (directly following a tragedy) to go frolicking around South America seems, well, cold. Selfish. Besides that, Aaron’s facial hair is bothersome.

Serena runs the little trip by Dan, who rightly says: “Are you asking me to ask you not to go?” She doesn’t exactly confirm or deny that she’s fishing but says Aaron is great. Dan tells her she has her answer, then notices there has been a muffin fruit mix-up and makes his usual bumbling exit. Lily tells Serena it’s cool to go on the trip and makes plan to go away with Rufus. So is Eric going to hang with his adulterous ex and alky grandma for the holidays? Is it any wonder the kid tried to off himself?

Although Cece was supposed to pay the PI to get Lily’s file of scandalous secrets, she decides it’s time for the truth to come out. So she lies about having taken care of it. How delightfully hypocritical. Chuck meets with Lily, looking satisfied with his win. She tells him not to turn his back on those who love him, a lesson his father never learned. Apparently her speech does the trick because he burns the papers. Cece makes sure Rufus knows the secret anyway, claiming she’s helping to give Lily and him a real chance at happiness. Riiiiight.

And the secret is…Lily had Rufus’s baby. Okay, it was kinda obvious but it is enough to end their romance. Also, it’s a little skeevy to think about Dan and Serena dating each other when they share a sibling. I know it isn’t technically incest but…it’s a bit on the awkward side. Presumably, she gave the kid up for adoption. Are we going to meet the Van der Humphrey spawn?

After Cyrus and Eleanor’s nuptials, Dorota takes Blair aside to tell her something. Chuck is sitting on her bed. Destroyed. She wraps herself around him. He hesitates, then he leans back against her, affectionately holding her arm. Tears roll down his cheeks and he looks deeply wounded. If this one didn’t bring tears to your eyes, you are officially not human. Blair spoons him while he sleeps. She wakes up to find him gone and a note that says: “I’m sorry for everything. You deserve much better. Don’t come looking for me. –Chuck” I assume we’re going to see him back to his old debauchery for a while.

Now it’s time for the weekly rundown of the uncredited character I like most: Chuck’s wardrobe.

This was a disappointing week in nutty Chuck garb. It hardly seems worth noting but here goes:

Pinstripe suit: 1

Pocket square: 1

V-neck pullover: 1

No paisley, no hef-like robes, no plaid, no ascots, no bowties, no loud scarves. Absolutely no sparkle. It was all bleak funeral attire for Mr. Bass this week. *Tear*

I can’t believe we have to wait a month for the next episode!

“Nobody is comforted by a tuna tower.” -Lily

“Only a masochist could love such a narcissist.” –Blair

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 9th, 2008 at 3:36 pmand is filed under Gossip Girl. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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